Transitional Growing Pains

I had another post slated to put out today however, a different message was placed on my heart and I hope it reaches whoever it was meant for.

As most of you know by now, I relocated with my kids a little over 2 months ago and though the process of getting here was nearly seamless, the challenges I've faced since doing so have been more than I would've imagined. I know they say God gives His toughest battles to His strongest soldiers, but I have been nearly begging Him to take me out of the group chat because... WHEW!

Within my first week of moving, my oldest son had a medical emergency in which he had to be transported to the hospital. As I mentioned before, I moved here on my own and with minimal resources/community. Things you don't consider when thinking about relocating, what will you do if one of your children can't be transported in an ambulance and you have no one to drive your car? As I sat at Urgent Care while EMS tended to my son and we walked through the conversation of him needing to be transported, I was told that my youngest son wouldn't be able to ride along due to their inability to secure two car seats within the ambulance. Needless to say, sis was STRESSED. I knew less than a handful of people here and none of which I truly felt comfortable calling however, I was in absolute dire straits. I am fortunate in that the Godsend angel I ended up calling came to my rescue without a second thought. Though she and I are connected through a mutual friend, this was only the second time she and I had ever seen each other in person and I should note, our first time meeting in person was literally just a few days prior. She came and was able to take my other kids so that I could focus my attention on my son and his recovery. Not only that, she came back to the hospital in the middle of the night to pick us up and take us back to my car, then followed us home. While waiting to be transported, I called my mom to let her know what was going on and had no choice but to fight back tears for the sake of trying to hold myself together. The attending doctor (who looked like me), rubbed my back and said "you did a great job, mama" and though she had only known me for a few short minutes, words can't begin to express how much I needed that interaction as I navigated this situation physically on my own. She had no idea of my circumstances and what I was feeling at that time, but those few words provided me with so much comfort and peace. In a moment where the reality of being alone really hit me, God sent me exactly what/who I needed exactly when I needed it. Won't He do it?

Despite being encouraged in that moment, from that point forward, I feel like I have been met with challenge after challenge and I began to really ponder on whether or not I made the right decision. Although it has only been 2 months, I feel like I have been here for so much longer. Though it was absolutely by choice, situations continue to arise that further drive home the point that I really am on my own here and as much as I sometimes want to just pack up and retreat back to my comfort zone, no one around me even entertains my antics. "You were built for this. You got this. God didn't bring you this far to leave you." are the words of encouragement I receive from loved ones that I've opened up to about what I'm going through and I am so thankful for those who encourage me to push through. I mentioned before that I prayed heavily on this move and God couldn't have made it any more clear that it was the right thing to do had He came and sat down next to me and said it to my face. So as much as I sometimes want to throw in the towel, I know in my heart that just isn't an option.

Being someone who struggles with being vulnerable, I didn't want to let anyone outside of designated support system know that I was having a really rough time. When people ask me how things are going, I minimize it. "It's been an adjustment, but I absolutely love it here" knowing full well I am on the verge of a breakdown at any given moment. I didn't want anyone to know that I was having second thoughts. Despite loving everything about the area, etc., that doesn't change the fact that being primarily on my own with 3 kids (two of which are completely dependent on me) without a trusted village, just simply hasn't been as "easy" as I anticipated it to be. But one thing that I've been embracing with therapy is that two things can be true at the same time. I can love and appreciate my new place of residence while also acknowledging that it hasn't been a perfect transition, and that is completely okay.

To say that these last couple of weeks have been trying would truly be an understatement. Physically, mentally, spiritually, professionally, therapeutically...I have been absolutely TAPPED beyond capacity. Every time I speak with my therapist, I tell her that if one more thing happens, I am literally going to break and what do you think happens? One more thing after one more thing just continues to pile up. I told her during one of my most recent sessions that I was just over everything. I told her I wanted to do nothing more than to crawl into a hole and just wait for things to pass over and she did what any great therapist does, she challenged me. She gently reminded me of my natural response to highly stressful situations (avoidance) and redirected me to utilize the tools we've worked through over the years. Her insight along with that of my other trusted resources have helped me to simply embrace all that is happening and to continue to have faith that things WILL get better. Continuing to push forward knowing that this was absolutely the right decision for me and my kids as they've continued to flourish since we moved here. Rather than internalizing the external challenges I've been facing, channeling that into seeking God even more and asking Him "what is it that you are trying to teach me in these moments?" And I think the answer lies where my therapist keeps telling me to explore (which I've been rejecting) and that is that community is important. No matter how much I would like to, I simply cannot do it on my own. I have to continue to push beyond my comfort zone and open myself up to trusting, engaging, and connecting with new people that will become part of my new village on this journey. Though I have pushed beyond the comfort of leaving my hometown, I have yet to fully embark on the newness of what this move entails. I am happy to say that since announcing my move, I've learned of numerous people that I didn't know lived here, live here too and have offered all types of assistance with getting settled and familiar in my new territory.

So, whether you're going through a rough time in life. Whether you're in the midst of a painful or uncomfortable transition. Whether you feel like all of the cards are currently stacked up against you and you can't go on, I am here to tell you...you CAN. I am right there with you, just keep going. Keep pushing. Keep praying. Keep leaning on your people. And though it's cliche, just know that storms don't last forever. Embrace where you are right now and know that better times are on the way. Whatever challenges or obstacles you are currently facing, just know that I am rooting for you to come out on the other side.

We got this!