This Past Year...

I wrote this post on my birthday (4/1) and per usual, began to overthink and went back & forth on whether or not to post it, but, here we are 3 days later. 🙃 I had a conversation with a dear friend/sister (hey, Aja ☺️) earlier this week that God must’ve known was needed at that exact time. A conversation that was divinely orchestrated because she & I had literally been playing phone tag for the past month or so, but on this specific day, we were able to connect without any pre-planned calendar coordination. In addition to just catching up on life and everything in between, she reminded me of some things that had become distant afterthoughts for me, and it was right on time as I reflected on my birthday. 

For many reasons, there was a sense of grief that hovered over me as the day approached. Now, anyone who knows me KNOWS that birthdays are my thing. If I don’t celebrate or do anything for myself any other day of the year, my birthday will always be one of them. But this year...was different. Birthdays are never "just another day" to me, but this year, that's exactly what it felt like. In addition to that, I didn't have any plans. No trip. No spa day. Literally nothing. Much like last year, (which was my first birthday away from Ohio), the day has quickly become a stark reminder of many things I desire, but don’t yet have. Grieving over the life I thought I'd have by now vs. the one that I'm currently living; which isn't too shabby by the way, it's just not what I would've envisioned.

I've been craving connection and a sense of community, and I feel like it has taken me so long to emerge from the realm of my 'selective' isolation. I say selective because there are individuals that I’m able to engage/interact with nearly every single day. People that despite the distance between us, have helped to foster a connection that make the miles between us seem far less than what they are, so I don't want to discount those relationships. However, building a local community is equally as important to me. And although I’ve made some strides in establishing connections here in Charlotte, I can’t actually say that I’ve given it my best, so I AM making a conscious effort to change that this year. I know that there was a purpose of being put through a season of intense solitude and isolation however, I also know that we weren't created to do life solely on our own. S/O to my Gym Lovers group chat for helping me with that.

As I reflect over the past year, there are a wide variety of thoughts and emotions that come to mind. I've had some great and exciting moments, and some moments that had me questioning if God had somehow reinstated my membership on His list of strongest soldiers without my knowledge. But all in all, I'm grateful for everything. There are times where I find myself wondering if I'm doing enough, if I'm giving enough, if I'm pouring enough and the text messages I received on my birthday were not only a blessing, but also confirmation that the impact I desire to have, is in fact the impact that I've been creating. (I shared a couple with this post on IG).

This past year was a true test of strength. A test of resilience. And overall, another true test of faith and obedience. This past year, I was faced with some decisions that would totally change the trajectory of my life. This past year, I walked away from people, places, and things that weren’t in alignment with where I knew God was taking me. This past year forced me to choose between what was best for my children vs. my career. This past year, I walked away from yet another false sense of security and learned firsthand what it means to rely solely on God's provision. And although this past year was full of many no’s, more importantly, it was also full of many life-altering yeses. 

Through fear, through doubt, through uncertainty, I chose to surrender and give God my yes, and in more ways than one. From closing the door on one major chapter of my professional life, to God opening the door to the opportunity to be able to run alongside my best friend as he carries out the dreams & visions that have been placed within him. From turning away from a life of emotional avoidance, to turning to prayer & spiritual counsel to get me through life's tough times. From running on the hamster wheel that is Corporate America, to following a vision planted within me in November of 2023. From becoming planted in a church home, to making the decision to re-dedicate my life to Christ. 

This past year has taught me so much about myself and the people around me. This past year has taught me to believe in the things that God is calling me to do; to no longer run from my calling, but rather, embrace the opportunity to run towards it. This past year taught me that my greatest barrier isn’t things or other people; my biggest barrier has been myself. 

While this past year led to the end of some seasons, it was the start to some beautiful ones as well. This past year included the birth of my first business, Wisdom & Wicks, a faith-based company that will offer products to those seeking a deeper connection with God, and who are also seeking transformative healing experiences. From guided journals to intentionally crafted, reflective/emotion-provoking candles, and other products in between, Wisdom & Wicks is the result of using my gifts to create a long-lasting and meaningful impact in this world. You guys know I love writing and I've shared on numerous occasions how therapeutic it has been for me, so it's only right to combine my passion to help and my passion to heal and create tangible products to help others on their journey. We will be launching later this year, so definitely make sure to stay tuned.

Building out this business has been FAR from easy and FAR from cheap, and it’s awakened some things within me that I didn’t even know existed. I’ve been stretched and refined throughout this journey and am a better person as a result of it. Though there’s still much I have to learn, so, I’m grateful that this past year, I was able to become a student rather than the teacher. Being a Kingdom Builder is definitely not something I had on my bingo card for 2024/2025, but I know that God has some amazing things in store.

While I didn't plan on posting today (Tuesday), nor had I decided on when I would make my 'public' announcement and how, the conversation I had with Aja and several others since then made me realize what better time than the present to do it.

So, here's to no longer waiting for “perfect” moments that may never come.

Here's to another year of following God's plan and walking into the season of "More" that He is calling me into. 

Happy (belated) Birthday to me & thank you to each & every one of you for being here.  🤍