The Final Release

Whew...guys, what a WILD ride these last couple weeks have been. And I mean WILD. As many of you may have seen on my social media, I was baptized this past Sunday and WHAT AN EXPERIENCE. I'll dive more into that in just a moment but wanted to talk first about everything leading up to that moment. I had no idea that the last two blogs I wrote were setting the stage for what was to come, but it now makes so much sense why I was led to write on the topics of forgiveness and letting go. Linking them here (and here) in case you missed them.

October 2023 was eventful to say the least. While in Canton for my grandpa's funeral, my young cousin Tariyah was a victim of a horrific act of gun violence that nearly took her life. And when I say it nearly took her life, I mean that quite literally. She spent a great amount of time in ICU, required multiple life-threatening surgeries, and at one point, was connected to a ventilator for days...BUT GOD! Fast forward to a year later and she has made a nearly full physical recovery. Her smile continues to shine bright and so does her spirit. She attended the court hearing for the perpetrator shortly after the incident occurred and offered her words of forgiveness literally in that moment. Over the course of this past year, she has rebuilt her life brick-by-brick. Dealing with things such as the ongoing struggles of PTSD and flashbacks of that traumatizing event. What was once her favorite time of year has turned into a painful and anxious reminder of a day she can never forget...BUT GOD! Within this past year, she has also FLOURISHED. She has since enrolled in school to become a nurse, reignited her passion for doing makeup, and even organized a gun violence march that had an incredible turnout. Despite the challenges and life-changing effects of this event, one thing that was not changed or impacted, is her heart. Tariyah has always been an encourager, pouring into others and just carrying an overall ray of light to anyone she meets. She could have harbored anger, bitterness, and resentment toward the shooter and the situation itself, but instead, she chose grace and forgiveness. Her story is so inspiring to me because to forgive someone who nearly took your life is something I don't know that I'd have the strength to do if I'm being completely honest. Her response as to how she has been able to get from where she was last year to current, "I've just been praying and winging it."I share her testimony not only to reinforce the power of prayer and how God can give us the strength to literally do the unimaginable, but to also demonstrate how letting go of the things sent to steal, kill, and destroy your joy can lead you to infinite blessings. Tariyah, I love you, I'm so proud of you, and I thank you for being a shining example of what God's grace & mercy look like. 

As I mentioned in the intro, I didn't realize at the time of writing my last two blogs just how relevant they were for the season I was about to step into. What you guys witnessed in those blogs (and nearly every blog I've written) is a glimpse of my ongoing healing process. I am working on some really mind-blowing things and despite how intentional and life-changing they are, doubt, fear, and anxiety had me ready to chalk it all. Feelings of unworthiness and lack of confidence had me questioning if I'd ever be able to pull this off. It was during a recent bootcamp masterclass that I realized I wasn't going to be able to move forward with this vision until my heart posture was one of unwavering faith and a level of confidence that only God could provide. I've known for a while that God has some really incredible things in store for me, but as always, I was standing in my own way. Not only trying to play co-pilot, but also operating in a space of doublemindness where I trusted God but still had a part of me that couldn't fully surrender. I still had a part of me that felt like I knew what was best and I needed to help Him move things along a liiiiiiittle quicker than the pace He was moving at. (As I mentioned in the last post, humility has really been a thing for me in this season, so judge not 🙃😂). But anyway, I got to a point where I was truly just getting on my own nerves with the nonsense and I realized that I was either going to fully surrender EVERYTHING or I was going to just keep coming back to this same place of wanting more, but not being able to attain it. You can see from the outcome which option I chose.

I made a conscious decision that the week leading up to my baptism, I was going to fast and I decided to fast from people. This meant no social media and cutting all communication with everyone, including the people that I literally talk to on a daily basis. I wanted 1:1 time with the Holy Spirit just to fully engage in God's plans for me and to quiet all the voices within and around me and whew, that fast did not disappoint. The amount of guidance and clarity I was able to obtain still has me floating on cloud 9. Through an act of humility and surrender, I was offered the opportunity to participate in a training program that solidified so much of what God is calling me to do in the current and upcoming seasons. The vision was clear, and the path was laid out and all He was asking me to do was believe. And not just in my mind, but in my heart to truly believe that His plan was so much greater than the path I was on and that I was going to fully surrender and trust Him. Leading up to Sunday, I was 100% certain that I'd made the right decision and couldn't wait to be dipped in that water in order to be renewed and restored to walk into the life that He had created for me. Despite several enemy attacks throughout the week, with the last one being literally the night before, on Sunday morning, I had never been so sure of a decision in my life. 

There was preparation that my church does for baptisms that I'm truly grateful for and that confirmed how much I desperately needed to release my burdens and forgive myself for everything I've ever done/said to myself and to others. Prophetic words were spoken over me that only God could've sent to be delivered. A scripture that I had been meditating on quite often (Jeremiah 29:11) was spoken into my ear after taking my place in the pool and was yet another confirmation of the purpose being birthed in me to fulfill. After coming up out of the water, I felt an immediate sense of peace & surrender. I immediately felt so much lighter. After years of believing that I was never good enough. Years of believing that I wasn't worthy of the life I envisioned. Years of believing that I was "too difficult" to love. Years of believing that I was "too much"for the people around me. The baggage of all the burdens I carried, the negative self-talk, the low confidence, and the host of other negative emotions fled from my body in that moment. In that moment, I was met with a love that isn't transactional. A love that I don't have to earn or prove myself worthy of. A love that corrects me without judgment or tally marks. And ultimately, a love that fills every void I'd been chasing after for so long in all of my relationships (both romantic and non-romantic.) A love that restored the confidence in myself and makes me feel like I can accomplish anything I set my mind to with His help and His guidance. So, as I sit and write this post, the hope and faith that I have in my future is beyond what I would've ever believed I could be capable of. I now KNOW that the things I've been called and led to do will flourish simply because He said so. 

So, I pose the question once more to all who are reading this, what thing(s) are you holding onto that you need to let go of? Who do you need to forgive once and for all so that you can finally release yourself from what's been holding you down/back? 

Don't be the roadblock that stands between you & your destiny.