As I finally begin to settle from the immense high I experienced during my 36-hour trip to Ohio last weekend, I can't help but to think how grateful I am and how amazing and intentional God is. As most of you may have seen, I was back in Columbus last weekend for the annual 5k that I complete in honor of my dad, called 'Run for More Birthdays.' I completed my first one in March 2017 prior to my dad passing a couple months later, so as you can imagine, it carries a very high level of importance for me. On February 17th, I posted on social media about the run and asked if anyone was interested in completing it with me and the response was more than I could have imagined. I had people from all stages of my life agree to participate. One who has literally watched me grow from a child to the woman I am, one who was my high school friend and college roommate, a high school acquaintance turned sister, another fellow high school classmate and friend (as well as his wife that I had the pleasure of meeting at the race) and a host of friends/sisters (and a brother, hey Doug 😂) that I've met in college & my later adult years, some of which who completed this same race with me in previous years, and finally, a dear friend who ran virtually all the way from Atlanta. The support was more than what I could've asked for and quite frankly, was exactly what I needed.
Prior to making the drive up to Ohio, these last couple of weeks have been extremely trying. From health concerns and emergencies with my kids to my daughter and I experiencing a traumatizing and life-changing event just days prior. Unbeknownst to the majority of people I encountered over the weekend, they had NO idea just how much their support saved me. What I've come to realize over the last couple of months is that the further I elevate spiritually, the more attacks I have been under whether toward me directly or by way of my kids. So much so that I found myself crying out to God one morning last week out of pure defeat and exhaustion. I had reached my breaking point. Now, I don't share this to gain sympathy or attention, but I share this for someone else who feels like they are constantly being followed by a dark cloud that just seemingly won't let up. I share this because I know there are others out there who feel so overwhelmed by life's challenges and roadblocks that it seems like the light at the end of the tunnel is nowhere in sight, but I am here to tell you that it DOES get better. Earlier that week, I had a therapy appointment and my therapist laid into me a little more than what I cared for, but at the end of the day, she was right. She made a comment about how I extend my support to others in need, but when I'm need of my own support, I tend to retreat and isolate from others and try to navigate things on my own. It's 100% a trauma response and I'm fully aware of why that's my default setting, but that's another story for another day. I am slowly becoming more comfortable with admitting times that I'm in over my head and calling in reinforcements as necessary (which s/o to my kids' dad for his ongoing support and flexibility, cause...WHEW). As much as I preach this message to others, I had to have my own moment of self-reflection and admit that is absolutely okay to seek help sometimes. I'm learning that strength is not defined by how much one can take, but more so in the ability to know and communicate your limits.
As Saturday (the day of the race) drew nearer, I began having thoughts of backing out and just staying in Charlotte, but then I thought about the sacrifice being made by all of those who signed up to support me and decided to push through. Upon my arrival to Columbus, I got to see one of my best friends that I haven't seen since October. We stayed up talking and laughing until nearly 3am and it was in that moment that I realized how much I missed and needed my community. On the morning of the race, I met up with those who'd signed up and was met with nothing but hugs and words of encouragement as I prepared to take on the task at hand. Though my intent was to jog the entire race, (my lungs + breathing in cold air had me feeling like my chest was about to explode, so it was a no for me), I wasn't able to and once I crossed over the finish line, I feel as though there was a reason for that. A couple of weeks ago, one of my best friends sent me the text below.
I complied and sent the pics over without asking a single question (mainly because I'm in a season of my life of "allowing" others to do nice things for me without ruining the surprise). When I crossed over the finish line, my entire crew of supporters were cheering me on and I was greeted with two poster boards filled with not only pictures from past runs, but also pictures I'd posted on social media of/with my dad and a sign that read "Long Live Superman." Even as I just typed that out, chills just came over me and my eyes welled up with tears. So of course, in that moment (and with the pics/videos to prove it), I wept. And as I wept, I was met with warm and genuine embraces. Everyone who was there knew exactly how much this run meant to me and how much my dad meant to me as well, but what they didn't know is how much I was falling apart on the inside. Overcome by so many emotions, all I could do was cry. Tears of sadness that my dad isn't here to celebrate more birthdays, tears of happiness that I could feel his presence with me, but also, tears of gratitude that my friends were so intentional and thoughtful in their efforts as well as the fact that after the last couple weeks I've had, being held/loved on is what I was desperately longing for. This was just a testament that God always knows exactly what we need and when and will move mountains to make sure that we are able to receive it. After the race, a group of us went to brunch, which was filled with the kind of laughter that makes your stomach hurt (thanks, Reva). I closed out my visit resting and catching up with a couple other best friends, as well as linking with my bestie before I hit the road Sunday morning. During my drive back home, I was able to catch an incredible and on-time word while listening to the livestream from my church. I drove to Ohio on an empty spirit and drove back to Charlotte with a full cup/heart.
To my friends, from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU for supporting me; thank you for encouraging me; and most importantly, thank you for genuinely loving (on) me. Without even knowing I was in dire need of it, you extended so much love so graciously and so genuinely and I don't for one second take that for granted.
To myself and others who are currently in similar spaces, you're doing better and you're getting better. Storms won't last forever and always remember that you were never meant to walk this road alone. If you need something, say something. I'm so thankful to be back in such a clear headspace, one full of hope and optimism and knowing that despite all the hiccups along the way, the best is truly yet to come.
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