A few short summers ago, I sat outside with my journal and a laptop in front of me, reflecting over the year I'd had. I recall the anxiety and shame I felt as I neared my 30th birthday. My life at that moment didn't at all reflect what I had perfectly planned out in my head while finishing undergrad. Upon graduating, I was supposed to move to Charlotte with one of my best friends; find my dream job making great money; meet my dream man, get married, buy our dream house, and have my 4 stair-step kids all by the age of 25. Cute, right? Note the word I used near the beginning of that last sentence, "supposed", ha! Isn't it funny that in our minds, we've got life all figured out, down to the very detail of the sheets that will line our future California King mattresses that we plan to share with our future mate? Or the nursery colors that will fill the room of the child we have in 10 years? Life (or God, depending on what your beliefs are), has a very funny way of showing us that plans are almost always likely to steer us into unforeseen paths. There I was walking across the stage six months pregnant with a U-Haul truck filled with my belongings ready to move back home. I was a single mom at 22, living in a city not even close to Charlotte, with no dream man or dream job in sight. I couldn't help but to think to myself, "where exactly did I go wrong?" Society and other external influences have a way of forcing these universal timelines and expectations on us and making us feel that we are inadequate because we don't fit into the mold that's been constructed.
We (or maybe I should speak for myself), have this habit of becoming so discouraged and frustrated when life isn't going at all how we'd planned. We begin to question why we even tried to prepare for this life we laid out when it's obvious that our vision no longer applies. Though I have become a huge fan of affirmations, prayers, and manifestations, I have also become more aware of the power of the universe, especially when our plans require the actions, efforts, and input of others. When your goals involve any external factors, the outcome is most always beyond the realm of your personal control. Should we still set goals? Absolutely. Can we still try to plan ahead for the things that we want? No doubt. But the moment that we begin to feel that we alone, are the sole authors of our lives and become defeated because that chapter we wrote didn't turn out as planned, is the exact moment that we have done ourselves a major disservice.
As I sat in the grass and continued to reflect over my life's journey, I had to admit that while things hadn't necessarily gone the way that I'd planned, I still had so much to celebrate and be grateful for. No, I wasn't married, living in a mansion, or making six-figures, BUT I had accomplished so many other goals that I'd set out for myself; these goals being within the realm of MY control. These goals were not dependent on or subject to any external people, conditions or happenstances, but rather solely dependent upon the action that I could take and the effort that I would have to put in on my own. Make sure that when you are creating your goals, you are mindful of all parties involved that it will take to achieve it. Creating goals that include too many key players outside of yourself, may not always end well and has the potential to become very discouraging.
How many times have you become frustrated that life seems to be taking you everywhere except where you actually thought you'd be? How many times have you almost given up on your goals because you felt like you were on the road to nowhere? How many times have your family, friends, or foes made you feel less than because you are not where THEY expected you to be by now?
Now, when was the last time you celebrated every obstacle you've overcome or every open door you've been able to walk through? I say that to say, the next time that you find yourself drowning in shame or embarrassment because life isn't what you had expected it to be, take a moment and reflect. List the items that you have accomplished, the unintended goals that you have completely crushed; the lives you've impacted; and the difference you've made and simply realize that you are in fact exactly where you are "supposed" to be.
Trust YOUR process. Trust YOUR journey.